19 June 2008

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A longer gap than I’d anticipated. My operation – a radical prostatectomy and hernia repair – took place on June 9, and the first three days afterwards were pretty unpleasant. I was in quite a bit of pain from trapped wind, for which they gave me morphine, which in turn gave me extremely unpleasant sensations, distorting reality and slowing down time. Yes, it really happens – or possibly doesn’t really happen, but you think it does, so effectively it does. Maybe it speeds up your brain. Sounds harmless, but it’s very frightening. Shutting your eyes doesn’t help.

By late Friday, however, that was going away, and then it was a gradual struggle to get my temperature down (I was fighting some kind of low-grade infection) and everything back to operating normally. Eventually it happened, though I wouldn’t say my bowels are quite right yet, and of course I have to wear a catheter for a couple of weeks. (This blog is not for people with weak stomachs.) Dot brought me home yesterday at around 11am. I have been told not to do too much – an instruction I am happy to comply with without argument.

While I was in hospital Dot visited twice a day: in the early days this was a life-saver. I also got many, many other visitors. On the Sunday – Father’s Day – my son David drove over to see me as a surprise, which was fantastic, because I was just beginning to feel like something approaching normal. He brought me a book he had been reading – House of Suns, by Alastair Reynolds, which I consumed over the next three otherwise boring days. I can thoroughly recommend this for reading in hospital when feeling and getting better: it’s a great science fiction story and compulsive, easily overcoming peripheral distractions.

While I was in hospital I wrote a few poems (or parts of poems) which I’m hopeful about. I was in a bed with a view across the fields and lots of sky. Five other men in the room: two of them were there when I arrived and still there when I left. Lots of good old Norfolk tradition in there which I hope to write about in due course.

From the outside, hospital looks full of things you want to avoid at all costs: tubes attached to your limbs and torso, frequent injections and blood-taking, catheters, wound-drains – all invasive of your body. When you’re in there, none of that is very significant and you hardly notice the very minor discomfort involved. Presumably this is because something much bigger is happening to you and you have no control over it. You have to just let it happen. Other than the pain and the alienation (see first paragraph), it’s not so unpleasant. Just tedious. One of the worst things is waiting for doctors and nurses to do things: something more important almost always intervenes. A new understanding of the word “patient” has become very clear to me.

I was very fortunate to be in hospital at this time of year, when the days are extremely long. It was not really getting dark till well after 10pm, and the sky was brightening at 3.30am. It was intriguing to watch the changes in the weather. Almost every morning dawned bright and promising, and almost every time rain came later, usually around mid-afternoon after the clouds had gradually gathered. Yesterday as I left it was very windy and spotting with rain – not like flaming June at all. Went out in the garden just now and it’s not exactly sun-drenched, though it’s dry and easily bearable without a coat.

The Walpoles from Canada have landed in England, and we hope to see them at the weekend. Not going too well for them so far, Pete’s GPS has been broken, and one of their suitcases was lost in transit.

The picture above was taken on Winterton beach earlier this month.

8 June 2008

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Dot seen through the remains of a building at Winterton, where we went for a shortish walk this afternoon. Today brought a more than welcome change in the weather, which had been grim all week. The sun came out, and it was warm, with a fresh breeze from the north. We walked out to the beach and then into the valley and back along the dunes.

Enjoyed this morning’s service, where I preached about faith, with special reference to people having their prostate out (!) Used two of my favourite three biblical passages, Job 19: 25-27 and Daniel 3: 17,18.

Yesterday was pretty wet, and I did not venture out, but I did manage to write a piece for my website, among other things. I thought today would be my last chance for a while to go for a walk. On Friday evening we had dinner at Dunston Hall, which was good without being outstanding. Very enjoyable, though, and some good wine. Company excellent (Dot).

Just back from church, where seven of our friends met with us to pray for me and my operation tomorrow. Felt inspiring just to be there, and now feel confident that all will be well. Many others have also said they’ll be praying and thinking of me.

This will probably be the last entry for a while. Should be out of hospital by next weekend, but not sure I’ll be feeling up to writing a blog. We’ll see. June was never my favourite month.

6 June 2008

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Norwich Cathedral in a sunset sky, taken from our bedroom window and later cropped and straightened! See also Flickr and Cathedral website.

Rather a dismal week, weather-wise, with plenty of rain – especially today, when I went up to the hospital with Dot for my pre-operation assessment. Cyclist nurse Liz very pleasant, with a sense of humour. Everything seems OK, but her warnings of what might follow the operation were a little worrying. I don’t really even want to think about catheters and various other tubes draining things from my body. Still, It’ll all be over by Christmas. Came to the sad conclusion that I will not be able to go to Blakeney for the annual reunion in a couple of weeks’ time.

On Tuesday we had a good gathering for our meal (10, with us), and Dot came up with a scintillating starter involving pears, rocket, watercress, mayonnaise and roquefort cheese sauce. Yes, it was a Delia special. Delicious. On Wednesday, stomach juices on alert again: we went with Jessie to the Rushcutters for lunch, and I had a beef and ale pie that was gorgeous. Yesterday the weather relented a bit and we did a few things that had been waiting for a while: took some rubbish to the tip, some other stuff to a charity shop and booked the MX5 in for an MOT and the Mazda 3 for new tyres at some totally horrendous price approximating to £450. You could get nine tanks of petrol for that.

Parked in the city and had lunch at the Espresso in John Lewis – a favourite place for sandwiches and a cup of tea – or in Dot’s case a large piece of cake and a cup of tea. Then bought me a dressing gown for hospital, a new mobile phone for Dot and picked up tickets from the Theatre Royal box office. These were for an Agatha Christie play in the evening – And Then There Were None, the politically correct new title for Ten Little …. Unusual play in that everyone did it. Theatre sparsely populated: started pouring with rain as we walked home, but we made it without getting soaked.

3 June 2008

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Dangerous threesome in typical pose on the Whipsnade train: Dot and Oliver pose for the camera while Amy is suddenly interested in something else entirely. I was minding the buggy while the train set off on its 20-minute journey and the rain started to fall after what had up to then been a very pleasant day. Well, it continued to be pleasant: it just became wet.

Yesterday I went for my cystoscopy, with results that turned out to be “normal” – or as normal as you can be with a camera in your bladder. Uncomfortable, but not exactly painful. He was in and out so quickly that it was hard to see how he could be so sure. Still, ours not to reason why; ours but to do, and hopefully stay alive. Halfway through the afternoon I got a call from the hospital telling me my operation is scheduled for next Monday, which came as a bit of a shock. Interesting how you can be quite blasé about having your prostate out in three weeks’ time, but be reduced to a quivering wreck when told it will be next week. Fortunately Diane, who is giving me some spiritual healing, turned up at just that point, so I had to sit down and relax. Hard to turn my mind off, though. I was working out what would have to be cancelled, who I’d have to tell, what I needed to sort out and so on. In fact if all goes well having it next week will be ideal, because I should be recovered in time for most of the summer events.

I e-mailed the Murrays to tell them what was happening, only to discover that Roger has not been at all well and may have something similar – so they probably won’t be coming in August anyway. Dot had quite a conversation with them on the phone and is very disappointed, as she’d hoped we could celebrate my recovery!

Today we finished watching a TV epic called Flood, which is all about London being inundated by a sea surge. Full of holes (ha!) and not very satisfactory. Instead of fleeing to high ground and drowning on the way, why didn’t everyone go into the nearest building? The first floor would probably have done.

We’ve just been to the supermarket to pick up food for tonight. Quite an oppressive day, or maybe I can’t get the operation out of my mind.

1 June 2008

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Rather a nice picture of Oliver and Amy emerging from the jungle, which not many people know is situated at the rear of their house. Amy is typically nonchalant, while Oliver has managed to find water – not difficult in the circumstances, as the rain had hardly stopped. This weekend has been drier. Yesterday I went out to Paston and found myself involved in Caroline’s poetry workshop, which turned out to be fun. I was reminded about some unusual verse forms that I might employ. Afterwards I walked over to the cliffs through a field of barley and then along the cliff and back: a triangular route of about a couple of miles. Took a few pictures. On the way home followed a stream of 45mph drivers who seem to think going more slowly is going to save them money on fuel. If only they knew how much danger it’s putting them in…

Today was church lunch: a rather odd affair with most of the regulars away but numbers made up by irregular visitors. The service had a strange, disjointed kind of feeling. Trevor is back after his hernia operation, which is encouraging, and Chris has received a temporary all-clear on her tests. In the afternoon Dot and I popped in at Bally Open Studios, mainly to see Rupert, who was there with two of his collaborators – photographer and friend Shirley, and film-maker Mark Sargeant. He is still showing much of his parents’ work, and there was an amusing installation of a man disappearing under sand, which made witty use of the broken factory floor.

30 May 2008

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Back late last night from three days in Caddington, looking after the grandchildren during half term. Journey back was in heavy rain, and so was the journey down on Monday night. In between we had a little dry weather, but plenty of rain too. Vicky is working very hard on a project which is up against a difficult deadline; David took the opportunity to go up to Lancaster on one of his regular visits – a little bit worrying, as he has still got a kidney stone lodged above his bladder, but it shows no sign of moving.

On the Tuesday we stayed in the house, but on the Wednesday we braved the dodgy weather in the afternoon to go to Ashridge Forest, where we had a drink and a snack before popping into the visitors’ centre and shop. Oliver bought a frog, of which he quickly became fond. Amy got a ball and something else, which I’ve forgotten. I bought them a secondhand book each and one for Dot (three for £1). The forest was soggy and muddy. We drove over Ivinghoe Beacon on the way back, which is a pleasant road.

We spent all of yesterday at Whipsnade Zoo, leaving home not much after 10am in fine and dry weather that persisted for several hours before collapsing into solid rain midway through the afternoon, roughly at the point when Oliver and Amy were queueing to go on the train (see picture). We also went on the bus, and Oliver had an earlier ride on the train with me while Amy was on the bouncy castle. We paid two visits to the flying birds display (the first quite exceptional, the second pretty good) and took in the sea lions and the elephants, though we were a bit late for the latter, and Oliver was too shy to push himself forward for a good view. Still, he did see them. The gift shop was total chaos as it was pouring with rain and everyone funnelled in there, but we managed to emerge intact, and with something for each of the children. All in all, a pretty good day, with some nice food from the Marquee Cafe for lunch. Amy attempted a death plunge from her buggy, but this was only partially successful. Plunge spectacular, but not even minor injuries.

Whipsnade has a lot to offer with huge amounts of space and some lovely animals, but it is expensive, unless you live nearby and can get a season ticket.

Today has been mainly catching up, though Dot and I went to Park Farm for the usual routine, which was quite pleasant. I tried to find out the date of my operation, but it hasn’t been fixed yet. The nurse thought it wouldn’t be arranged until after Monday’s cystoscopy, but I should know on Tuesday. She felt sure it would be in June, though. Weather today a bit better, and the brown bin got emptied, though they hid it three doors down after emptying, presumably because they’re a bit miffed at having to empty it.

26 May 2008

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Picture of a boat on Wroxham Broad, taken on a brief visit this week. Doncaster have achieved promotion to the Championship by beating Leeds at Wembley, which is good on two counts: (a) Doncaster No 3 Gareth “Gazza” Roberts is Dot’s cousin’s son, who my son claims to have taught how to play; and (b) Leeds lost. Searched in vain for father Adrian on TV match report.

Last night we went to visit my nephew Joe and his wife Birgit for a drink and spent a pleasant couple of hours there, agreeing on most things. His father and mother are in Southampton visiting their other son after attending Joy’s brother’s funeral in Scarborough. Not sure how long they’ll be away.

Today not as much rain as anticipated. Wrote a piece for my website, then Dot and I went to the supermarket, only find that the rest of Norwich had decided to do the same thing at roughly the same time. Still managed to get home in time for a “healing” session with Diane and felt relaxed afterwards. I don’t think it’s healing in the sense of curing, but in the sense of blessing – creating healthy and balanced feelings.

Briefly – now 10.15pm and we’re about to leave for Caddington. Have just beaten Antonov in quite a hard game. Dot will drive.

25 May 2008

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This is Dot (right, if you’ve not been following so far) with our friend Stephanie, with whom we lunched at Cafe Rouge last Tuesday, when the weather was quite reasonable – as it was right up to last night. Today is pretty appalling – very wet indeed and by no means warm. Such changeability is all very English: maybe I should warn my cousin’s daughter Jeanette, who has just told me she and her husband are moving to Cornwall from South Africa. On the plus side, Cornwall is probably safer. Sandy, my Cape Town-based cousin (other side of the family), is installing an electric fence after recent violence not far from her house. She is also installing a swimming pool, though. I am hoping the pool is not too near the fence.

In the evening on Friday – catching the threads of my last post – Dot and I went back to Wroxham Barns to buy an arch for the garden. I had originally thought it far too big, but when we measured it, and the space, it was clearly OK. Dot has much better powers of visualisation than I do. It is now safely installed, and the surrounding foliage has been given instructions to flow over it. On the way back we called at our friend Ed’s, where he and a couple of other friends were meeting to pray for me. Sat out in the garden, and I had a rare lager. The lager wasn’t that rare; it was me drinking it that was unusual. I only drink lager in hot weather and when I’m very thirsty. Pretty much.

Yesterday was warm and quiet: I spent most of it going through a whole pile of magazines and newspapers that I had been meaning to read, and Dot was writing her school inspection report. We took some time out to erect the arch. Or to be more accurate, she took time out to put the arch together, and I helped her stand it up and tighten the nuts. This morning we went to church, where I was leading the service, and Dot and Phil were playing the music. Pouring with rain, but we left feeling very good. So many kind friends.

Dot is now visiting her aunt at Hethersett, who has a problem with her arm and needs some help. Sacrificially, I stayed at home and watched Lewis Hamilton win the Monaco Grand Prix. Everything seems to be pushing me towards the operation on my prostate, but I haven’t finally decided. As I told a friend, it’s like sitting in one of those restaurants where you can’t choose between several things on the menu, and you end up with the one you were inclining to at the moment the waiter happened to arrive.

23 May 2008

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Another picture from Jim and Ann’s visit: this one taken at the new boardwalk by Cockshoot Broad, close to Woodbastwick.

It’s still only 7.45am, but I couldn’t sleep after I woke about 6, though I slept very well till then. Have just finished listening to a conversation between Leonard Cohen and Philip Glass on iTunes, which was excellent – particularly Cohen on the subject of good poets who never get published. Last night I actually managed to win a chess game, though it was on a knife-edge at the end. I don’t know whether I should attribute the victory to the fact that the person I was playing had broken up with his girlfriend half an hour before we began, but I did actually play well, as I had done in the previous two games, both of which I lost. The second one – here on Wednesday night – was particularly annoying because I had a clear win on two occasions. This may have been part of the reason I was so down most of yesterday after barely sleeping on Wednesday night, but things generally seemed to get on top of me.

Dot was out most of the day at a training day for church school inspectors – one of these pointless exercises that administrators love to put on to justify their existence (my words, not hers). If people are already doing an excellent job on a regular basis, why waste time telling them what they already know? I was at home most of the day – which showed signs of becoming really summery – but went to get my prescription pills and to post a letter. A friend came round to discuss the Meditation website: we agreed the front page was pretty awful, but it need someone who knows what they’re doing to alter it. Spoke to David on webcam, and he has installed Twitter for me, largely so that we can see what each other is up to!

In the evening, while I was playing chess, Dot went to a DCC meeting which lasted a very long time: not sorry to have missed it.

Today is the day, of course. I see the consultant at 11.20 to see what state the cancer and I are in, and what should be done about it. More on that story later, as Kirsty Wark would say.

And here it is. We were actually called in early, but then had to sit and wait for a while, which was rather annoying. The good news is that the cancer has not spread out of the prostate. But I now have to make a decision on whether to have radiotherapy, which is long-winded but doesn’t involve cutting into my body; or to have the prostate removed. Both have similar risks as far as incontinence and impotence are concerned. An interesting additional factor is that I have a hernia that could be fixed at the same time if I have an operation. I also have something a bit odd to do with the wall of my bladder, which means I’m having a cystoscopy some time soon to check on it. Nothing to do with the prostate, apparently.

After getting the news from Mr Sethia, the consultant, Dot and I had a long chat with one of the specialist nurses, which clarified one or two issues. We then decided to go to Wroxham Barns to pick up the framed pictures for Vicky. We also had a baguette and ginger beer in the restaurant, all of which was very pleasant. A kind of muted celebration.

21 May 2008

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We eventually reached Caddington at 8pm after a very easy journey (Dot driving). The children had just gone to bed, so we had to creep in radioactively and keep quiet till they settled. The next day was David’s 36th birthday, which we celebrated with present-opening at breakfast and a barbecue at lunchtime, plus fun for the rest of the day largely featuring David’s new Wii fitness board – his present from us. Very impressed by it, especially as I did an excellent ski jump. (Don’t ask.) I was no good at anything else, though.

The picture above is Amy playing in the garden with Nana (out of picture). In the afternoon Oliver was at a party in St Albans. Weather was quite good, though not good enough to eat the barbecue outside.

Home in the evening, with Dot driving most of the way again: another fairly easy journey. On Monday she was at Thurton school doing a church school inspection: I caught up with this and that and then drove to Wroxham Barns with some pictures to be framed and stopped off at Wroxham Broad. I’d forgotten how unexciting it was: the public are restricted to a small pay-and-display car park from which you can see only part of the Broad and none of the marina. The sun was quite warm, and I hung around for about 20 minutes, then came home. Earlier I had a healing session with a friend of a friend, which was quite relaxing, but this was rather spoilt by the evening’s chess game, which I played very well and then lost again in time trouble. Left me rather down, and I didn’t sleep well. I have another game tonight and tomorrow night – both at home. What I need is a noisy crowd cheering me on.

Yesterday we took our friend Stephanie out to lunch at Cafe Rouge, which was tasty and good fun. And in the evening our usual friends came round for the usual Tuesday meal – sans David and Bridget, who are on holiday in Sussex and who rang me just beforehand. All very concerned about my wellbeing. The weather is teetering towards summer without any real sign of it wanting to commit itself.